There are times when Kelly and I are pretty certain we’re on a hidden camera show. Tonight we went to our favorite hibachi place; it’s just this local run joint hidden off main streets at the end of a strip mall in our home town. We’re pretty sure its mostly family run, but its definitely authentic and they definitely make the best fried rice anywhere. It’s not like you can just run into this place though, you have to know its there; but they are all so friendly and the food is always great.
Of course being a hibachi, you get seated at community tables for 9, so the nights can always end up interesting depending on who we end up with. Tonight we ended up at a table with two older ladies and a guy, roughly 50 or so year olds. For the sake of storytelling, let’s call them guy, Grumpy lady and Pissed lady (literal descriptions of their attitudes all night from the very moment we sat down at the table). All of the following proceeded to actually happen:
- Pissed lady had a bluetooth thing in her ear the whole time so we’re already off to a good start
- They took more than 10 minutes just to figure out their drink selections
- Both ladies ordered pina coladas but Pissed lady wanted it virgin. They got switched and rather than just realizing that and swapping, Grumpy called the waiter over complaining hers didn’t have alcohol while Pissed lady, who wanted hers virgin, apparently just kept drinking hers
- The waiter tried 3-4 times to tell them he thinks he just switched them up, they finally switched and the one wanting virgin said “yeah I guess it tasted funny”
- Then they debated if they needed new straws, or if they could just switch their straws
- When ordering food, Pissed lady said she didn’t want broccoli or mushrooms in, or touching, her vegetables (remember this is a 50+ year old, not a 5 year old)
*side note, Kelly and I usually hate when people do this cause they end up removing the item for the whole table to make things easier for the chef, happily they didn’t this time
- When asked if she wanted fried rice or steamed rice, Grumpy responded “I just want rice,” so the waiter tried to get her to clarify, which she wanted and she said again “I want JUST rice” which he said “ok so just white steamed rice?” and Grumpy responded “I guess…”
- At this place they include a free appetizer (mushrooms, shrimp or chicken liver); Grumpy didn’t like that they kept asking her questions, and finally said “I don’t want anything” but the guy jumped in and said “Can I have hers?”
*note 2: by this point we felt so bad for the waiter, and knew we were in for a fun night; he was being so nice to us so we were trying to be extra courteous back to make up for Grumpy and Pissed
- After ordering food, Pissed lady in the middle said “I don’t like the smell when they cook in here”
- When they brought out miso soup (which come with everything) both ladies just let it sit in front of them and said they didn’t want any
- When they brought out salad, Pissed lady folded her arms all disgruntled and mad and didn’t want any while Grumpy told the waiter she didn’t want any dressing (keep in mind these people are known for their special ginger dressing)
- When the waiter brought Grumpy a dressing-less salad she just looked away all grumpy and didn’t eat any anyway
-When the chef came out and started asking the people who ordered meat how they wanted it cooked, I said “medium” the other guy said “medium well” then both Pissed and Grumpy said in their pissed and grumpy tones: “VERY well done.”
- So the chef does his show-off routine, they were not impressed, and I have to say it was some of the best cooking we’ve had there; so we probably missed even more stuff happening here. When it came time to dish out vegetables though, he accidentally gave full vegetables to Pissed; who let him know she was getting the “no mushrooms or broccoli.” But she gave the vegetables to the guy, and the chef was like, no give those to Grumpy (cause there were no more vegetables to give out). Grumpy then explained she didn’t want any, though she never told anyone until now.
- Pissed proceeded to not even want her non-mushroom/broccoli touched vegetables now, because some had previously been on her plate
- The chef (as often happens at a hibachi) had extra fried rice and vegetables; so he asked Grumpy if she at least wanted to try his fried rice “just small try, I promise very good” but Grumpy would have none of it sternly “NO! I don’t want any”
*note 3: for those keeping track, at this point fried rice, salad, soup and vegetables have been served and Grumpy’s plate is still empty.
- They bring out the white steamed rice for Grumpy in a bowl, which she then promptly sets to the side.
- So now it’s the main events. We’re all being served our main course, and Grumpy finally has something, Filet Mignon, on her plate; kid you not she promptly says: “I can’t eat that it’ll be too salty.” She didn’t try any of it and say it was salty, she just looked at it and said it would be salty and never tried any. So now she finally starts picking at her steamed rice. Keep in mind the chef is standing not but 2 feet away.
- Pissed has like 2 pieces of shrimp and then quits and folds her arms, so at this point the guy just starts taking food from their plates.
- While the chef is still finishing up cooking chicken for Kelly, the guy and Pissed ask Grumpy if she wants anything on their plates and she says loudly back to them “we can just stop at McDonald’s on the way back home”
(Yes this is the same person who just said the Filet Mignon would be too salty)
So in short, we’re pretty sure Grumpy had a $20+ bowl of white rice, Pissed had $20+ fried rice and 2 shrimp while letting the guy go to town taking the rest of the shrimp and meat off her plate.
So at the end of it all, Grumpy turned to her side and said “well, happy birthday…”
She had to be talking to the guy right? He got everything he wanted and was as happy as could be…
So of course we got our finale… Pissed turned to Grumpy said “oh thank you.”